1.  Law of Peculiar Random Nomenclature

The name and chassis numbers of a British Sports Car shall consist primarily of letters and numbers, with said letters and numbers chosen in a competely random fashion so that the resultant vehicle name and identification is wholly devoid of meaning.

This law explains why British cars always have spectacularly bad names like 'XKE', 4/4,  +4, +8, NAS or worse yet, NAS +8 GT.

2.  Law of Cryptic Instruction

Any book, manual, pamphlet, or text dealing with the maintenance, repair, or restoration of a British Sports Car shall be written so that at least every fourth word will be unknown to the average reader. In the event that any portion of the text is understandable, the information contained therein shall be incorrect.

Most people are familiar with this law. Here is an excerpt from a typical British Sports Car shop manual: "Before rebushing the lower grunnion banjos, you must remove the bonnet facia and undo the A-arm nut with a #3 spanner." All attempts to publish an English language version of a manual have failed.

The more traditional British companies not only do not provide shop manuals for their vehicles but have been known to pay to suppress third party publications.

3.  Love of Hardship Law

The more a British Sports Car malfunctions, breaks, and/or falls apart, the more endearing it becomes to the owner.

You buy a British Sports Car. You have had it a year and a half, and have replaced every item on the car at least twice. When the engine is started it sounds as if someone has thrown a handful of ball bearings into a blender. But when someone offers to buy it, you are offended because "It's like part of the family, and besides, it's so much fun to drive." British Sports Car owners often stare into space and smile a lot. This is referred to as the "Foolish Person Syndrome."

4.  Law of Non-Functional Attributes

All British Sports Cars, regardless of condition or age, shall always have at least one system or sub-system of components which is entirely non-functional, and cannot be repaired except on a semi-permanent or semi-functional basis.

This is also known as the famous Lucas Electrics Law.

5. Component Failure Law

Any component of a British Sports Car which is entirely unknown to the owner shall function perfectly, until such time that the owner becomes aware of the component's existence, when it shall instantly fail.